Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
