Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
