i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
