That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
