Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
