i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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