the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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