I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
