If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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