it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
