Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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