Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
