either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
