Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
