im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
People in love make me want to vomit
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
