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I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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