You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
