Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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