porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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