Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
