I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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