It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You're like the curious george of whores
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
