I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize