He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
