The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
