White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize