i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
