he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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