I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
