Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
