is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
