I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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