THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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