I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
