Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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