I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
