he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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