So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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