you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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