at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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