yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize