He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize