I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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