I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
