I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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