So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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