Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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