You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
