So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
