remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize