I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
