my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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