There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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