the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
