Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
