i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
