She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
