Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
