You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
