Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
