do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
