You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
