this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How external is "for external use only"?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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