Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
